Dealing with Disappointment and Failure
Let’s be real. We all on occasion experience disappointment. Maybe we were hoping for a promotion, and it was awarded to another colleague. Perhaps we studied hard for an exam and got a sub-par score. Maybe we compromised our values for an expedient outcome, and are now feeling the disappointment within ourselves. Whatever the nature of your disappointment, it is sure to rear its ugly head at some point in the workplace. What can you do to mitigate the effects of disappointment in an environment where showing emotion might not be useful or professional?
Excuse yourself from the situation that is causing disappointment.
This is particularly effective if you are surprised by a disappointing situation at work. Remove yourself from the stimulus with as much grace as possible. For instance, if you find out that a co-worker received that promotion you were gunning for in a team meeting and you feel overwhelmed by emotion, do your best to excuse yourself subtly Find a quiet and private space to compose yourself (your office, the restroom, outside). Removing yourself from the room gracefully will allow you to leave the stimulus with professionalism. Sometimes this is not possible, in which case you would go straight to the next bullet.
Close your eyes for a moment and breathe
Breathing slowly and deeply can help regulate your nervous system and slow your heart rate, helping you to compose yourself with more ease. Allow yourself a moment or two to breathe deeply. This can be done subtly if you are in a group. Take a long slow breath in. Hold it for a few seconds and take a long slow breath out. If you are in a situation where you can close your eyes for a moment this can help, as it blocks any visual stimulus that may be contributing to your feelings of disappointment.
Voice your disappointment (professionally)
It is perfectly ok, and can even be helpful, to voice your disappointment. This is particularly true if you feel that, despite your efforts to calm your emotions, it is still perceptible by others around you. The key to voicing your disappointment professionally is to neutralize any negativity as much as possible. Instead of saying “I can’t believe Karen got the promotion over me. She didn’t work nearly as hard as I did,” say “ I was really hoping to earn a promotion this time around, but I’m sure it will happen next time around.” While this is an extreme example, you get the drift.
Reframe & avoid rumination
Even after you have had a moment to process the situation that is causing you disappointment, do your best to reframe it in a more positive light. I know this can be hard but just do your best. Avoid negative thought loops like “I am never going to be good at this” or “No one will ever see my potential.” Avoid allowing the disappointment to fester inside of you. Tell yourself something more positive. For example, say “I am disappointed that I did poorly in that sales pitch, but I will do better next time,” or “I wanted that promotion, but maybe a little more experience couldn’t hurt.”
Seek ways to improve
Disappointment is always an opportunity for growth. If you are disappointed with, for example, the result of your performance evaluation, proactively seek ways to improve. If you wanted that promotion and didn’t get it, ask your boss in what actionable ways you can improve. Success comes from repeated failures and from learning along the way. There is value and information in failure and disappointment if you choose to seek it out.
We can’t always avoid disappointment, but we can prepare ourselves with tools for managing it better in the professional space. Though we may not be able to control the situations that bring us disappointment, we can control how we respond to them. We can also teach ourselves to see failure and disappointment as an opportunity to learn and expand